everyday wonderings

If you have been around the church for any length of time, you have most likely heard a talk about Mary and Martha. In most cases, the message likely focused on how Martha scurried around doing domestic chores while Mary sat at the feet of Jesus and learned from the Master. At the end of the message, you were reminded that Mary chose what was better. This story, and the many sermons it has inspired, focuses on one major difference between Mary and Martha. 

            However, when we read all the accounts of Mary and Martha, we discover they had quite a lot in common. They were part of a family that loved and served Jesus. Mary, Martha and their brother, Lazarus, opened their hearts and home to the Savior. When Jesus traveled near Bethany, he would often stay with this family that was so dear to him.

            The biblical text paints a picture of deep warmth and friendship between these three siblings and Jesus. When Lazarus was sick and it looked as if he might die, the first thing Mary and Martha did was send for Jesus. The text doesn’t say that Mary sent word, or that Martha sent word – it says, “the sisters sent word.” They were a team.

            When Jesus delayed and arrived in Bethany after Lazarus had passed away, each of the sisters met with him one-on-one. Their words were very similar, and their faith in Jesus was intact and strong. Martha actually declared, “I know that even now God will give you whatever you ask” (John 11:22). She was confident that Jesus could bring a person back from the dead. 

            So, when you hear the names Mary and Martha, don’t only think of Martha as a faithless busybody and Mary as a faithful Jesus follower. Think of two women who were friends of Jesus, who had deep faith in the Savior, and who were close sisters by birth and by faith. They were unique women of faith, and each had her own spiritual journey and temperament. But they were both confident followers of Jesus. and they were more alike than you might have been led to believe. 

{excerpt is from the bible study, “12 Daring Women of the Bible: Real women. Real trials. Real Triumphs.”}

---

As I’ve been leaning into Mary and Martha’s story, I have been especially aware of my own Martha-like tendencies. I thrive on a good to-do list and the dopamine rush of checking things off. Yes, I will write things I’ve already finished, just for the satisfaction of checking it off. While there’s nothing wrong with a to-do list, personally I am aware of an idol of ‘production’ that I can easily build and chase after if I’m not careful. Finding my worth hinging on how much I can accomplish in a day.

I am naturally a helper and find joy in serving and coming alongside people. But for me, this can also lead to not knowing where to say no – mostly because I don’t want to say no, it’s much more fun to say yes and then just make it all work somehow. Which then results in running myself into the ground trying to do everything. Seeing myself as if I have no limits and can do everything well, which is flat out not possible and God never meant it to be that way. Enter the picture of Mary sitting at Jesus’s feet. 

I heard this quote from theologian Dr. Kelly Kapic and it stopped me in my tracks…

“We need to stop asking, or feeling that we should ask, for God’s forgiveness when we can’t do everything. And we need to ask forgiveness for ever imagining that we could.

I am not God, I am a creature. Finitude is not sin.”

Ooof. Go ahead and read that again.

So, the thought that I can’t say no if someone “needs” me is a lie.

The thought that I have to volunteer for every school or church event is a lie. 

And the guilt I feel if my to-list is barely checked off at the end of the day is a lie. 

I don’t know if anyone else feels freedom from hearing that quote like I did but I’m going to again say, we weren’t created to do everything. We are creatures. Do what you can do and what God has wired you to do and do it for His glory. 

“At the core, we need to re-understand who God is and how he expects us to inhabit his world.” – Kapic

On the other hand, when I think of how to be more “Mary-like” since it doesn’t come as natural to me, I tend to create forced rest. Don’t get me wrong, I WANT to sit at the feet of Jesus. I’m having a quiet time and doing bible studies but when I think of Mary’s temperament of soul rest from Jesus in the day to day, for me, it looks more like Striving to slow down. Working to rearrange my calendar so that I can just rest already. Rushing thru the evening with a grumpy attitude because we just have “too much to do” but we need to go to bed early. 

What I realized for me, was that this kind of “rest” that comes from something of my own design and planning, is still not rest. It’s actually yet another way I’m working to control things. It’s striving and toiling, the opposite of what Jesus says in Matt 6, “Look at the birds of the air. They don’t sow or reap or gather into barns yet your Heavenly Father feeds them. Aren’t you worth more than they? Look at the flowers of the field. They neither toil nor spin yet even Solomon in all his beauty was not arrayed like one of these…”

If he does it for them, how much more will he do it for me? Without any reaping or gathering or toiling. 

In Joshua 1:7 “The Lord will give you rest.” 

Mary choosing what is better doesn’t mean she just sat down and didn’t care if her house was a mess or if the dinner was prepared or if the guests had clean towels… I think it meant that no matter what the circumstance or state of the chaos that probably surrounded them, she knew where her rest came from. And it didn’t come from her.

There was nothing she could do to earn it or orchestrate it herself – like when I try to force myself to go to bed early or plan out our month perfectly so it’s not constant chaos – none of those things are bad, honestly, they’re good and responsible and appropriate stewardship but what I’m saying is that it requires more of a check on the posture of my heart. Do I really trust that my rest will come from the Lord? That he will supply exactly what I need?

In my season of life, I know God has called me to steward my family, feed them every day, drive kids to activities, wash the clothes, etc. I do have responsibilities with sports and clubs and work and what I’ve been reminded of is that soul rest can come from being with Jesus IN all of that. Seasons come and go, some are busier than others, but the posture of my heart “choosing what is better” must be constant.

Because it’s not about me, it’s only about Jesus. 

Wrapping it up, I think what I appreciate about the beginning bible study’s perspective on Mary and Martha, is that we are all wired in different ways, our Creator made us each exactly as he wanted, and if we link arms as brothers and sisters in Christ we can work as a team, like Mary and Martha did as sisters. How beautiful to appreciate and use our different gifts while being unified in our need for Jesus in all things.