everyday wonderings

I’m Elizabeth. While this space may feel like no big deal to most, it’s been a little dream in my heart for a long time. I can only tell of God’s kindness and patience with me as he built my trust, broke down walls I didn’t realize I had made, and gently reminds me that ‘I am enough!’

Mostly, I love to write and share people’s stories. I have a degree from Baylor University in Journalism and have written some things for the Baptist Standard, the BCGT, Texas Tech and a variety of churches in cities we’ve lived. When we moved to Branson in 2017 I felt the Lord stirring the word freedom in my soul. In a lot of ways, that move was beginning a new chapter for our family and we watched God bring new life to different aspects of our story. But now looking back, I see the opposite happened in my heart towards writing and vulnerability. Somewhere in 2018 I began to feel something fluttering in me to write again. Yet instead of freedom there, I chained that dream up and locked it in down deep. I believed every excuse (ie. lie) that filled my head and it began to weigh on me – as all locked up lies do. 

“I don’t have time. I don’t know what to say. No one would want to read anything I say or think. I don’t have a desk in our house (ok, that’s a hilarious one but I legit said that to my friend). Everything has already been said by better writers. I don’t have a “following.” My story isn’t very exciting or compelling. I don’t even know how to write. First, I should go to a conference or get some training or something. I’m not qualified. I’m not a reader. I don’t have time. What a joke that I’d even consider myself a ‘writer.’ I’m an imposter. Everyone will laugh at me. I haven’t been to seminary. Do I even know the Bible? What if I get something wrong? I don’t have time.”

This sounds dramatic, but my close friends witnessed it, I couldn’t even say the word write out loud without my entire body beginning to shake and tears welling up in my eyes, so I held it all in. For months, which turned to years. I am generally a very open person, I know deep in my heart that honesty about thoughts and feelings is the first step to freedom but this, this was different. This was so dumb. No one cares about this.

At the IF:Gathering at our local church the spring of 2019, I said out loud to actual hearing ears at my table that I felt like I was supposed to be writing again. I immediately burst into tears and que the odd body shakes. A friend next to me wasn’t repulsed, in shock nor did she respond with a “whoa, really? That’s weird. What in the world are you talking about?” Instead, like most normal, good friends, (not the imaginary ridiculous ones in my head) she just said, “Ok. Awesome. You could totally do that.” I wish I could say that moment changed my brain and pulled me out of the lies, but embarrassingly, it’s now 2024 and I’m just now putting these words out there, so you can do the math of how long the itty baby steps took to get me to where I am today. 

One thing I did have to change in my perfectionist + adhd brain, is to allow myself to take baby steps and not beat myself up that they weren’t bigger steps. faster steps. braver steps. 

I had to let myself go slow. and rejoice in every movement forward. I had to untangle the lie that it doesn’t count as ‘being a writer’ if I’m not a NYT Bestseller. (gosh, that’s vulnerable to share on here). I had to re-frame my thoughts around writing and remind myself that this whole journey is about obedience to what the Lord is asking me to do. So, sitting at my desk writing about random things…. the first day of seventh grade, a made up character for a novel in my head or what God is teaching me today… for 45 minutes actually is a HUGE win. Taking an online 6-week course with writing prompts and a ‘teacher’ is a HUGE win (even though I wept through most of the lessons – legit I had to constantly pause it to wipe the tears and smudges off my notes.) Looking back I see the tears were because of the chains being broken. The dream coming to life. The light flooding into the darkness. 

To be completely transparent, I’m still fighting the lies right at this minute. 

but I AM fighting.

I AM working on saying things to myself that I’d say to a friend, if that friend felt like I do.

I AM making it a practice to say no to things during the day in order to create space for creativity and imagination. 

I AM telling myself I’m worth it and this writing dream is of value. It’s of value because God asked me to do it and therefore, I give it all back to him, for his glory, with Him as my Audience of One, whether any other eyes read it or not. 

So, here’s to obedience and that’s why these words are here.

Actual fun things about me: I have red-hair, yes it’s natural. Mark Mason is my favorite person, a man of God, and the worlds best General Surgeon, if you ask me. We have three kids; Reese (14), Lucy (11), Griffin (8). They keep us busy with competitive gymnastics, golf and tennis not to mention all the crafts and crocheting and experiments and baking and make-believe worlds. I love to be outside and appreciate the creativity of God in every aspect – nature, art, fashion, food, music …creativity is everywhere and in everyone because He made it like that. I love Jesus with all my heart and in recent years have begun to read thru the Bible chronologically which is stirring my love for God and His word in new ways. I love to travel and experience new places. And chocolate chip cookies are my weakness.