everyday wonderings

The deep green padding covering the arms of the chair swept my mind with a memory of my great-grandmothers Louisiana kitchen. Mammaw was one of the strongest yet, jolliest ladies I’ve ever known. 

As my young daughter pulled herself up to sit on that green seat, big enough for three more six-year-olds to fit in together, I hoped she would have the same characteristics as Mammaw; strong and jovial. Reese’s big brown eyes scanned the room and locked with mine. “You got this,” I whispered. 

The nurse smiled as she rolled her seat over to touch her knees with Reese’s. “What have you been doing at school today?” 

My savvy girl gave no response except a nervous smirk, she never falls for distraction tactics. The nurse gently scrunched Reese’s tiny pink sleeve up toward her shoulder and laid her arm out flat, palm up. The ripping sound of the sterilizing wipe popped her eyes back up to me and her tears began to flow. I clasped Reese’s free hand in mine and squished her lovie blanket tight against the side of her leg, but again, no distraction works with this one, she wants to know exactly what’s happening, even if she’s terrified of it.

No more delays now, it was time for the blood draw: ‘the big shot’ as we call it in our house. 

Just after her first birthday, we discovered that our first-born daughter had a severe peanut allergy. Since then, her allergist runs some tests on her blood to determine her peanut allergy levels once a year. I’m not sure there’s anything this little girl hates more. Except maybe the smell of peanut butter.

I tried to turn her head to look toward me, preventing her view of the shot into her arm. She insisted on watching. 

I began my “script” which I’d told her many times before, “If I could take this away or carry it for you, I would! But God has made this a part of your story, Reese Mason. And He created you to do hard things. That’s why he sent Jesus, as a rescuer, to help us all tackle our hard things. Because of Jesus, we can do it. YOU can do this.” But in that little room, with each tear that rolled down her cheek, my heart broke all the more watching my baby do a hard thing. 

She cried with little sniffles until the blue rubber band was released from around her bicep. She knew that meant it was over. “You’re amazing,” the nurse beamed to Reese, “You did better than some of the old folks that come in here!” Finally, a giggle shook the baby curls at the end of her ponytail and her body began to relax. 

Band-aid on. Sleeve pulled down. At least 17 cartoon stickers collected in her little fingers. Sucker unwrapped. Sparkly Velcro shoes jumped down. And from there, we start the countdown. 364 days until the next ‘big shot.’

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This is part of Reese’s story. It has lots of chapters and change, just like all of our stories. I pray that learning to tackle something challenging at such a young age will create a continuous thread of faith thru her life – that she can do hard things, not because of anything she has done but only because of what Jesus did for her. 

“The Lord is my strength and my song; he has given me victory.” Exodus 15:2

At some point in my life, I gathered from who knows where that if I was following God and doing the ‘right’ thing, life should be easy. It should be fair and carefree. I’m not sure where this lie came from and it’s embarrassing to admit, however, I remember a time in college when I began to see the truth. The truth that life in this broken world IS hard. Nowhere in Bible does it say that it will be easy or that if its hard something is wrong. God actually tells us it will be hard and then over and over in scripture he reminds us that He will be our strength. Be courageous. Stand firm. Take heart. Do not fear.

In John 16 Jesus said, “I have said these things to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”

We all have our own hard things and I wonder… what’s yours? Is there a part of your story you wish you didn’t have to go thru? Is there something that feels overwhelming and you’re dreading it? Maybe you’re feeling weary in a hard season right this minute?

I wonder if there’s another way you could think about it today? Not to say it isn’t tough but if you could see it, even just for today, as a way to grow or a way to see God from a different angle, or as an encouragement to someone else? Has it allowed you to grow toward Jesus in a certain way you haven’t noticed? Not to pull a ‘Pollyanna’ and say everything’s fine, we’re all fine… it probably isn’t fine, but what if you took a step back and could notice God with you in the hard? Just as Jesus was WITH Daniel in the fire. He wasn’t waiting on the other side for him to get thru it. He was IN the fire WITH him. And he’s there with you, too.

As I lean into the truth that difficult things come but God is with me in them:

I can’t help but see God’s kindness.

I allow Jesus to take all my insecurities and replace them with strength.

My fear is covered with peace like a river.

I can stop striving to fix it on my own and rest in God’s strength.

I remember this hard, broken world is not my home.

My expectation for things to be easy is shattered because I realize that no matter what comes, the Lord is my rock and my fortress.

May His kindness to you, in the midst of hard seasons, pop up all around you in unmistakable ways that guide you to praise him even in the suffering.